Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
