Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
