What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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