only you would photoshop your dick
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
