Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
