Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize