have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
