So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
