yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
