She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
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