I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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