I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
