I'm gonna have a badass scar
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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