I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
