Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
