There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
What a fucking waste of an outfit
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Your dad touched me again.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
