saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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