What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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