New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
