those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
My bed smells like the plague
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
