Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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