Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
