i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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