You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
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