If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
