I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
