ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize