Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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