yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
