Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
