Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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