mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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