I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Duck Duck Cougar?
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
