I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
