I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
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