Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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