i always forget guys have bellybuttons
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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