At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
