i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
