yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize