I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Randomize
