Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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