My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
