my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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