butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
