There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
