After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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