and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
