Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
50% drunk capacity currently
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Randomize
