Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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