It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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