she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
