dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Randomize