This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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