I feel like abortions should bother me more
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
