If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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