so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
We talked him into tasing himself.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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