When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
