Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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