I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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