She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
