My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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