Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
