It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
