Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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