you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
