i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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