Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Randomize
