I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
so let's talk penis.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
