so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
