I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
