Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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