I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
