She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Randomize
