Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
