I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
